BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT OBAMA WINS MISS WORLD 2009!

by Mark Rhoads

Johannesburg, South Africa… A secret committee of three people of the 59th Miss World pageant, has shocked the beauty pageant world with an announcement that its judges have already chosen President Barack Obama of the United States to win the crown as Miss World 2009 and he will be crowned on December 12, 2009 at the Standton Convention Center in Johannesburg.

The 2008 Miss World, Kesenia Sukhinova off Russia , told reporters in Moscow that she was “stunned” by the news.  “I swear I did not know President Obama was a contestant.  The first 120 contestants were not even supposed to arrive in South Africa until Nov. 7,” Sukihinova said.

"This is so soon, it just does not seem right,” said a tearful contestant Joyce Mphande of Malawi.  “President Obama did not even show up for the preliminary evening gown competition in Dubai last week.” 

Another contestant, Diana Nilles of Luxembourg, said the Miss World crown for Mr.  Obama is “a very good thing.”  Nilles said, “We will show beauty contestants everywhere that our pageant is inclusive of diversity and we will never go back to the old pro-beauty prejudices of former President George W. Bush.” But a very different opinion was expressed by The 2006 Miss World, Taťána Kuchařová of Slovakia who said, “This is so wrong on so many levels.  I think he’s cute enough in an odd way, but he just passed up the swimsuit and all the other events.  How is this fair to all the other 120 girls who have worked for this crown all year?”

"It just proves that their pageant is a joke and ours is the real deal,” said Donald Trump in New York, who owns the Miss USA and Miss Universe franchises.

Britain’s Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Valdimir Putin, Korean President Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro, and Hugo Chavez all sent telegrams of congratulations to President Obama.  Brown said, “If the IOC had been as enlightened as the Miss World committee is, they could have at least had the gallantry recognize the sacrifice of Michelle Obama in going to Copenhagen and award her the 2016 Olympic Gold Medal for the Decathalon.  That would have been justice for humiliating the President’s home town of Chicago in losing the host city bid.”

David Axelrod also assured White House reporters that Presient Obama’s telepompter will not be allowed to accept the Pultizer Prize for nonfiction next year should it be offered.