Further definitions of common words and phrases that mean something else in Illinois, presented here at no charge, as a public service to the news consumer.
Alderman: A large and garish hat, occasionally with an even louder person underneath.
Bribery: One of the few part-time jobs that can be practiced concurrently with one’s full-time job, leaving evenings and weekends free. (Alternate definition: the primary determinant in the award of competitive bids).
Chicago River: A 19th Century engineering experiment in reversing the flow of water out of Chicago, toward the southern states. This was to be duplicated in the 20th and 21st centuries with businesses and jobs.
Closet: Where shoeboxes are stored.
Commuter: An endangered species, identifiable by its navy pinstripe coloring, black laptop satchel, and pocketful of phone messages from executive recruiters in Louisiana, Wisconsin, and Texas.
Competitive Bids: Uncompetitive bids.