By Irene F. Starkehaus -
For Bill Kristol of the Weekly Standard, it would seem that voting for Donald Trump is only slightly more appealing than gouging his own eyes with a rusty nail. I sympathize with the sentiment mind you, but Kristol is a RINO. Trump is a RINO. It ought to be a political match made in heaven. Am I missing something? What went wrong?
Frankly, I'm not sure how traditionalist conservatives got on the same side as the Weekly Standard in this election. There must be some kind of rift in the space/time continuum, because other than that improbable prospect, I've got little putting the two groups together– maybe that RINOs don't like how Jeb was treated and traditionalists don't like how pretty much everyone else was treated. Alas, politics does make strange bed fellows.
It was, however, an unexpected turn of events in the course of an already politically gangrenous election year to learn that Kristol is now actively recruiting candidates who might take on the woefully inadequate front runners of both major parties with some pipe dream of a third party bid. Per CNN:
"Bill Kristol's white knight independent presidential candidate is a fellow conservative writer with no national name recognition: David French."
David French is, as many of you know, a Tennessee attorney and a contributor to NRO. But outside of conservative circles, he's obscure. Oddly enough, in this year of the progressive renaissance where even the Libertarian nominee is only marginally to the right of Vladimir Lenin, the story of a possible David French candidacy broke and I thought, "Holy guacamole and chips. Just get his flipping' name on the ballot and do this thing. I'll take David French in the center square for the block, please. And Jonah Goldberg for the win."
Of course, heir apparent Trump will perhaps be wondering if Mrs. Beasley will be stumping with Mr. French, so he's coming up with a pithy nickname for her posthaste. He's not saying she's ugly mind you, but – hey, and Trump could tell you things about Mrs. Beasley. Many, many things. Hmmm, so how about dum-dum Beasley? That kind of trips off the tongue. Sigh. Why won't David French run? Covering a Mr. Trump v. Mr. French election would be a blast. I mean, not for him of course. He'd be run down by the Trump machine in about five minutes. Just ask Bill Kristol. But for me? It would be like Mardi Gras every day. Run, David! Run!
Kristol dissing Trump though. Now that right there is what we might call breaking with the orthodoxy. If Breitbart and Fox are placing the crown on Trump, isn't Kristol supposed to genuflect too? So let it be written. So let it be done as it were?
Bold move by Bill Kristol though this was, please bow your heads as we acknowledge the passing of his career, because that whole, "We're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore!" Twisted Sister vibe that's happening on the Republican side of the aisle is actually the private reserve of Donald Trump supporters. Not a Donald Trump supporter? Then sit down and shut up. When they want your opinion, they'll make sure to tell you what it is.
You know, it's funny. I haven't actually agreed with Bill Kristol since around the Clinton Administration – back when it was easy to be a conservative without running the risk of being disinvited from the White House Correspondents' Dinner, so defending his resolve over the matter of "Never Trump" does not sit well – especially since I half suspect he'll cave when the time draws nearer.
I have never in my life, though, seen a man transition so quickly from established, political commentator (commentator? I'll have you know that Bill Kristol is an extraordinary tater…) to laughingstock, wimpy, has-been, journo-hack as when Trumpeteers discovered that Kristol and some others in the alternative media won't prostrate before the huge, really exceptional golden calf.
(…and let me tell you, folks. I've seen many, many golden calves – some of the most intriguing and exotic golden calves – and they're all very, very nice calves. Trump's done business with them for years, but he's building a new golden calf and it's gonna be great. Huge – made exclusively for Donald Trump and found only in the Sharper Image catalog, and we're gonna make the Evangelicals pay for it. Don't get me wrong. Trump loves the Evangelicals. They're wonderful, wonderful people. They're great people to work with. Let me tell you. And how about those Philippians…They make the best sushi, am I right?)
For those IR readers who are "Never Trump," I just want to take a quick survey.
Have you been noticing an unusual number of commandments coming from on high, written in stone by the Trumpeteers with particularly emphatic themes in recent days? Do those themes go something like:
Thou shall stop thy whining and vote for Mein Trump.
If thou wilst not vote for Trump, then thou'st wilst be voting for Hillary.
Thou shall get over thy social issues. This election ist too important to get hung up on 58 million dead babies.
Thou shall swallow thy pride. Thine guy/gal lost and now 'tis time to unify. If thou'st wilt not, thou wilt ruin thy country for the next hundred years.
You know – like that but with the added threat of assault. So another quick survey for the "Never Trumpsters" on these increasingly belligerent imperatives. Do you find yourself motivated? Persuaded? Included? Or do you find that the groupthink directives sort of accentuate what you found disturbing about Donald Trump and Hillary and Bernie in the first place?
I know. David French for president? How do I get my hands on that bumper sticker?