"Joshua Welch -- a boy, wouldn't you know; no good can come of these turbulent creatures -- who is 7, was suspended from second grade in Maryland's Anne Arundel County last week because of his 'Pop-Tart pistol.' While eating a rectangular fruit-filled sugary something -- nutritionist Michelle Obama probably disapproves of it, and don't let Michael Bloomberg get started -- Joshua tried biting it into the shape of a mountain, but decided it looked more like a gun. So with gender-specific perversity he did the natural thing. He said, 'Bang, bang.' ... The [school] said 'one of our students used food to make inappropriate gestures' and although 'no physical threats were made and no one was harmed' the code of student conduct stipulates 'appropriate consequences.' The [school's] letter, suffused with the therapeutic ethic, suggested that parents help their children 'share their feelings' about all this. It also said the school counselor is available, presumably to cope with Post-Pastry Trauma Syndrome. ... Government is failing spectacularly at its core functions, such as budgeting and educating. Yet it continues to multiply its peripheral and esoteric responsibilities, tasks that require it to do things for which it has no aptitude, such as thinking and making common-sense judgments. Government nowadays is not just embarrassing, it is -- let us not mince words -- inappropriate." --columnist George Will
